Reading the news headlines in a MacDonald's drive thru on the way to work (as you do!!) I was drawn to a story about a vicious knife raid that had taken place in a supermarket in Manchester.
The report stated that Richard Halford, age 19 (a teenager incidentally) was held in a head lock as a hoodie hissed 'Move and I'll slice you' - I was gutted - last night I wrote a blog that I was passionate about; revelling in the joy of having met an amazing bunch of teenagers who taught the adults around them that not all young people are 'good for nothing' and now, this morning, I was reading what I thought was an account of exactly the type of stereotype I and many others are desperate to dispel.
On reading further the report stated that the 'hoodies' were in their early twenties. So synonymous has the word 'hoodie' become with teenagers I had fallen into the very trap I have been trying to avoid others falling into.
We hear the word 'hoodie' and make the (almost) natural assumption that it is a news story about teens - how misleading. Intentionally? Possibly not. But we, as a society, band the word around to such an extent that young people are often being blamed for things they are not even responsible for.
So, lets get back to 'hoodies' being an item of clothing and lets give accurate descriptions of the individuals commiting these appalling crimes, be they adults or young people!
Friday, 11 December 2009
Thursday, 10 December 2009
The youth of today ! Its not all bad news !
I just got home from running a two day workshop with a group of young people on The City Challenge Programme for gifted and talented teenagers. It struck me (as it often has before) that they get such bad press. We so rarely see the good side of youth in the media anymore. There was a terrific article published in the Guardian earlier this week about celebrating the young people around us who are positive role models and who get on with things without the need for carrying knives and terrorising old ladies - it was such a pleasure to read things from another perspective.
We talked a lot about the impact of first impressions and how they are formed. They were amazingly perceptive and totally understood the idea that first impressions are largely formed based on assumptions and human biases. We had long discussions about stereotypes, generalising, either/or thinking and harsh and soft thinking. They looked at things from anothers perspective, considering how their initial appearance may influence others impressions of them.
The course was based in a top London hotel, some would say not the ideal venue. I was a little concerned at how other people in the hotel would react to a bunch of thirty fourteen year olds.
At the beginning of the first break I talked to them about the fact that across the corridor from our room was a pharmeceutical conference taking place. We had been asked, in advance, to keep the noise down. I think they did what many adults do, and assumed that a large group of teenagers meant noise and disarray.
All I can say is that my group proved every one of them wrong! It is rare that I have a hotel manager approach me on the second morning of a course to ask me to convey thanks to the young people for being so respectful and considerate. So much so, in fact, that they bought out hot fresh pastries as a thank you for them.
I wanted to share some of the comments made by the participants with you, how wonderful it would be if we could get more of them thinking like this:
I am in control of my own future!
You can achieve anything you want - but you have to believe you can and work really hard!
Possibilities are endless......
If you want something bad enough you can make it come true for yourself.
That extra 10% counts.
It reminded me of why I love this part of my work. How fantastic to be able to work with such open minded people.....with the rest of their lives ahead of them and plenty of time to prove others wrong ! What a pleasure to have educated not just a bunch of fourteen year olds but also a conference full of adults!
We talked a lot about the impact of first impressions and how they are formed. They were amazingly perceptive and totally understood the idea that first impressions are largely formed based on assumptions and human biases. We had long discussions about stereotypes, generalising, either/or thinking and harsh and soft thinking. They looked at things from anothers perspective, considering how their initial appearance may influence others impressions of them.
The course was based in a top London hotel, some would say not the ideal venue. I was a little concerned at how other people in the hotel would react to a bunch of thirty fourteen year olds.
At the beginning of the first break I talked to them about the fact that across the corridor from our room was a pharmeceutical conference taking place. We had been asked, in advance, to keep the noise down. I think they did what many adults do, and assumed that a large group of teenagers meant noise and disarray.
All I can say is that my group proved every one of them wrong! It is rare that I have a hotel manager approach me on the second morning of a course to ask me to convey thanks to the young people for being so respectful and considerate. So much so, in fact, that they bought out hot fresh pastries as a thank you for them.
I wanted to share some of the comments made by the participants with you, how wonderful it would be if we could get more of them thinking like this:
I am in control of my own future!
You can achieve anything you want - but you have to believe you can and work really hard!
Possibilities are endless......
If you want something bad enough you can make it come true for yourself.
That extra 10% counts.
It reminded me of why I love this part of my work. How fantastic to be able to work with such open minded people.....with the rest of their lives ahead of them and plenty of time to prove others wrong ! What a pleasure to have educated not just a bunch of fourteen year olds but also a conference full of adults!
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Pebbles
Last week we found out that our house has subsidence. Hmmmmm.....bit of a strange one to blog about I can imagine you thinking......but as Robbie hasn't called since he proposed to his girlfriend and Barack seems rather busy every time I call nowadays, it kind of stood out in the day to day running of things....
My husband and I sat there mortified when the assessor told us about the £1000 excess on Subsidence claims and I cried when he told me we would have to take down our beautiful Willow tree (the one the children climb, my husband tries to climb and all the birds and squirrels live in !) He left (looking a little bemused by my strange reaction to being told that a tree would have to come down)and we both did the whole 'oh my God how on earth are we going to find a spare £1000 before Christmas' thing.
Sitting down later, having talked to a rather wise friend of mine, I suddenly remembered a story that I used to tell on one of my training courses. It kind of put things into perspective:
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a large empty glass jar and proceeded to fill it up with rocks, rocks about 2” in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar slightly and the pebbles of course rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
“Now” said the professor, “ I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, and your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand in first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have time for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out dancing. The will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, and clean the car. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
and so.......I am trying to think about the big rocks, my family, my friends, my passion for helping other people achieve their full potential - hell, its only a house !! Anyone got a few spare rooms ?!
My husband and I sat there mortified when the assessor told us about the £1000 excess on Subsidence claims and I cried when he told me we would have to take down our beautiful Willow tree (the one the children climb, my husband tries to climb and all the birds and squirrels live in !) He left (looking a little bemused by my strange reaction to being told that a tree would have to come down)and we both did the whole 'oh my God how on earth are we going to find a spare £1000 before Christmas' thing.
Sitting down later, having talked to a rather wise friend of mine, I suddenly remembered a story that I used to tell on one of my training courses. It kind of put things into perspective:
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a large empty glass jar and proceeded to fill it up with rocks, rocks about 2” in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar slightly and the pebbles of course rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
“Now” said the professor, “ I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, and your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand in first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have time for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out dancing. The will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, and clean the car. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
and so.......I am trying to think about the big rocks, my family, my friends, my passion for helping other people achieve their full potential - hell, its only a house !! Anyone got a few spare rooms ?!
Monday, 23 November 2009
We're supposed to do it three times a week!
Ok - so now I've got your attention I will clarify! - I've been told that as a business, if you want people to become involved in your blog, you should be posting a new one roughly three times per week. Arghhhhh......surely not ?! How on earth do people manage it? I've plenty to say (as my friends and family will confirm!) its just finding the time.....hmmmmmmm....... time, I used to have some of that.
Since having children its the one of the few things in my life that seems to be missing - the time to just do whatever it is I want to do without having to make excuses for myself. At the moment, when I want a few minutes to myself, away from the manic noise that I live in, I can often be found in the toilet - its the only room with a lock on that the kids (or for that matter, my husband) cant get into - it could easily become my sanctuary!
Thinking about it the other day, however, I decided that rather than redecorate the loo and buy candles to improve the atmosphere, it may just be more appropriate to try to organise my time a bit more efficiently. Considering I run Time Management courses you would have thought I was an expert - isn't it easy though to talk the talk but then find yourself stumbling rather than walking the walk ! and so evolved my to do list.
It looked very impressive (it was only later i realised it would look more impressive if there were not so much on it !) Bit by bit I have got things done today - in fact having written it all down I realise just how much I do do. On other days I probably would have lamented at how little I had managed to complete. It was only seeing on paper that it was put into perspective. Just to give you a taste:
Wash, dress and feed two under fives
Drag a thirteen year old out of bed (with a strategically placed glass of water !)
Two packed lunches
Three school runs
One excuse for why I have not yet paid hideously expensive nursery
Complete all text for new website - going live beginning January!!!!
Call plain English speaking accountant (@amyaccountant) who was great btw.
Call @OnlyDads to discuss writing their Work section & becoming their Expert on Careers
Get all stationary ordered
Talk to another trainer who taught me all I know about training games (@MattSL)
Three school runs
One parents evening (so how come he is so naughty at home ?!?!)
One meal at a yummy carvery (diet can wait until next week !)
Home and kids to bed !!!!!
Dutifully watch some TV with Mr W
and then theres that three times a week lark!!!! (this blog, obviously !!)
Blimey - I've impressed myself ! It all got done. The thing is - we ALL do so much more than we realise - its only when we put pen to paper that we can see just how much. It reminds me of a wonderful mum who attended one of my workshops who said 'I don't really do much - I've got six kids' Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!
Point taken?
Since having children its the one of the few things in my life that seems to be missing - the time to just do whatever it is I want to do without having to make excuses for myself. At the moment, when I want a few minutes to myself, away from the manic noise that I live in, I can often be found in the toilet - its the only room with a lock on that the kids (or for that matter, my husband) cant get into - it could easily become my sanctuary!
Thinking about it the other day, however, I decided that rather than redecorate the loo and buy candles to improve the atmosphere, it may just be more appropriate to try to organise my time a bit more efficiently. Considering I run Time Management courses you would have thought I was an expert - isn't it easy though to talk the talk but then find yourself stumbling rather than walking the walk ! and so evolved my to do list.
It looked very impressive (it was only later i realised it would look more impressive if there were not so much on it !) Bit by bit I have got things done today - in fact having written it all down I realise just how much I do do. On other days I probably would have lamented at how little I had managed to complete. It was only seeing on paper that it was put into perspective. Just to give you a taste:
Wash, dress and feed two under fives
Drag a thirteen year old out of bed (with a strategically placed glass of water !)
Two packed lunches
Three school runs
One excuse for why I have not yet paid hideously expensive nursery
Complete all text for new website - going live beginning January!!!!
Call plain English speaking accountant (@amyaccountant) who was great btw.
Call @OnlyDads to discuss writing their Work section & becoming their Expert on Careers
Get all stationary ordered
Talk to another trainer who taught me all I know about training games (@MattSL)
Three school runs
One parents evening (so how come he is so naughty at home ?!?!)
One meal at a yummy carvery (diet can wait until next week !)
Home and kids to bed !!!!!
Dutifully watch some TV with Mr W
and then theres that three times a week lark!!!! (this blog, obviously !!)
Blimey - I've impressed myself ! It all got done. The thing is - we ALL do so much more than we realise - its only when we put pen to paper that we can see just how much. It reminds me of a wonderful mum who attended one of my workshops who said 'I don't really do much - I've got six kids' Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!
Point taken?
Saturday, 21 November 2009
and then there were blogs...and tennis balls !
For someone who loves writing and has more soap boxes than the average launderette I'm finding it surprisingly difficult to get going with my first post ! So.....bear with me folks until the literary juices start flowing.....I've been bringing up four children for far too long and my brain appears to have shrunk somewhat!
On the subject of bringing up children (aaaaand she's off I hear my husband and friends say at this point!!) I ran a Job Search course for a group of parents at a children's centre in South London the other day. We were due to start at 9.30am and having worked in Children's Centres and Sure Start since their introduction in around 2002 I was quite prepared for the late start due to parents settling their children in the creche (or perhaps it was the other way around and the children were waiting for their parents to settle!). Eventually at about 10am we all sat down and I was struck by two women in particular. Their bodies were in the room but their hearts and minds most definitely were nowhere to be seen......they had slipped back into the creche with their little ones.
Being a mum of four myself (all boys aged 23, 13, 5 & 2 - more about them another time !) I totally understood where they were coming from. It is so hard when you've never left your child with someone else. We talked for a good amount of time about how good it was for the children to learn to be with other people, how it would improve their confidence and language skills and how by taking time for themselves it would help them be better mothers. Obviously it all fell on deaf ears !
As a trainer, I realised that I had to find a way of getting those mums in the room with their minds as well as their bodies. I'm a true believer that training should be fun as well as informative so the tennis balls came out and a rather raucous round of group juggling ensued. Eight worried mums, minds in another room were warned that if they didn't concentrate they WOULD get hit by a ball. They looked a bit bemused (as do a lot of people on my courses !!!!) but decided they valued their safety and started becoming more aware of what was going on in our room rather than the creche.
I only wish I could have bottled the sound of their laughter and the complete abandonment of any sense of being a 'grown up'. For a few minutes they were all thinking of nothing else but having fun and being themselves....not someones mum or someones wife, or sister or friend....just being there, in the moment and not thinking about anything other than NOT getting hit by a flying tennis ball. Its so important that we all have those times. The benefits of returning to work for a parent go beyond the financial incentive (when there is one!)......its about reclaiming a little bit of 'me' time - being able to have a lunch break, being able to gossip in the office kitchen or perhaps even getting the time to post a blog on the quiet !
So - here's to all the parents who are being brave - leaving their children in the capable hands of childcare professionals in the hope of bringing something new into their lives.......and also to the children who are learning to trust that mum or dad WILL return after leaving them and that actually they may have loads of fun while they are away !
On the subject of bringing up children (aaaaand she's off I hear my husband and friends say at this point!!) I ran a Job Search course for a group of parents at a children's centre in South London the other day. We were due to start at 9.30am and having worked in Children's Centres and Sure Start since their introduction in around 2002 I was quite prepared for the late start due to parents settling their children in the creche (or perhaps it was the other way around and the children were waiting for their parents to settle!). Eventually at about 10am we all sat down and I was struck by two women in particular. Their bodies were in the room but their hearts and minds most definitely were nowhere to be seen......they had slipped back into the creche with their little ones.
Being a mum of four myself (all boys aged 23, 13, 5 & 2 - more about them another time !) I totally understood where they were coming from. It is so hard when you've never left your child with someone else. We talked for a good amount of time about how good it was for the children to learn to be with other people, how it would improve their confidence and language skills and how by taking time for themselves it would help them be better mothers. Obviously it all fell on deaf ears !
As a trainer, I realised that I had to find a way of getting those mums in the room with their minds as well as their bodies. I'm a true believer that training should be fun as well as informative so the tennis balls came out and a rather raucous round of group juggling ensued. Eight worried mums, minds in another room were warned that if they didn't concentrate they WOULD get hit by a ball. They looked a bit bemused (as do a lot of people on my courses !!!!) but decided they valued their safety and started becoming more aware of what was going on in our room rather than the creche.
I only wish I could have bottled the sound of their laughter and the complete abandonment of any sense of being a 'grown up'. For a few minutes they were all thinking of nothing else but having fun and being themselves....not someones mum or someones wife, or sister or friend....just being there, in the moment and not thinking about anything other than NOT getting hit by a flying tennis ball. Its so important that we all have those times. The benefits of returning to work for a parent go beyond the financial incentive (when there is one!)......its about reclaiming a little bit of 'me' time - being able to have a lunch break, being able to gossip in the office kitchen or perhaps even getting the time to post a blog on the quiet !
So - here's to all the parents who are being brave - leaving their children in the capable hands of childcare professionals in the hope of bringing something new into their lives.......and also to the children who are learning to trust that mum or dad WILL return after leaving them and that actually they may have loads of fun while they are away !
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